How to Host a Doomsday Party
This is it -- we're all going to die. But at least we're going to die in style!
Before you begin planning for the last party you'll ever throw, the first thing you must look into is whether or not anyone else you know is planning to host a Doomsday Party. Thus, it is important to ask around and find out if any of your friends or relatives are also planning a party on December 21st, 2012. If they are, you could volunteer to help out. But if they give you a funny look, simply smile and move on -- clearly, they have not yet thought of the idea and you should feel free to proceed. You could also drop a hint that they should mark December 21st, 2012 for a "one-time special event" that you have planned.
Step 1: Find a Location
Parties come in several sizes: small, medium, large, and totally apocalyptic. If you're serious about this, of course you'll choose the latter option, but even a small party can be meaningful for those who are about to be obliterated in the coming global conflagration. Typically, small parties are thrown with between 10 to 20 guests (usually close friends and family) and usually in a rec room, living room, or backyard. Medium-sized parties generally consist of 20 to 40 guests and can be thrown in your house as well, if it is large enough. Be prepared for it to get trashed, however (of course, it's the end of the world, so at least you won't have to clean up).
For a large party, which consists of anywhere between 50 to 200 guests, you may have to rent an activity hall or banquet hall. See if there are any civic centers in your town, or you can call around to a few local VFW posts to see if they can rent out their hall (they are usually quite affordable). A quick web search might also turn up other banquet halls and event locations that you can rent for the day. Make sure to ask if you need to get your own alcohol permit -- after all, it's the end of the world and there will be quite a bit of drinking involved.
For an apocalyptic sized-party, you should go all out. This is the big-time -- you'll be spending your entire life savings (and then some) to throw the Biggest Bash Before the Big Goodbye. These ideas include renting (or buying) yachts, renting mansions, heading off to exotic locations, and that sort of thing. See our page on more party ideas for parties of this caliber.
Step 2: Advanced Planning
Advanced planning for a party like this is crucial; the sooner you start, the better. Begin by saving up for the big event, or by purchasing a few things here and there in preparation for the celebration. If you're hosting the party at your house, you'll need to make certain there will be enough room and sufficient seating and tables for everyone. There should be lots of space to move around, dance, or play party games while the world burns. If your house is not big enough, consider buying a bigger house -- even one you cannot practically afford (after all, you do believe the world is going to end, right?). You absolutely must have a huge HD TV (preferably several) so you can tune into the news during the climax of the Apocalypse to watch the systematic nuclear bombardment of zombie-infested cities (assuming anyone can still broadcast after the geomagnetic pole reversal).
You should also begin buying guns. Lots and lots of guns. After all, what good is having a party if you don't have any guns to fend off gate-crashing riot mobs and hordes of mindless zombies?
Also be conscious of the fact that the electricity will inevitably go out at some point during Armaggedon, most likely near midnight Central US Time (GMT - 6). You should be prepared with flashlights, candles, or, if you're serious about keeping the party going without a hitch, a nice propane power generator (propane tanks are also great for blowing up zombies).
Step 3: Send out invitations
Before it gets too close to the deadline, you will need to send out invitations to everyone you wish to attend. By then you will hopefully already have made a list of everyone you want to attend, be they your close friends and family or an extended group of people. If you are throwing an apocalyptic-sized party, you could advertise the event in local news papers or other media outlets. You should require advanced registration up to the maximum number you want to attend, depending on the capacity of the location you have selected (you could also charge an entry fee, but why bother if the world is going to end?).
For smaller events, you may decide to do a potluck dinner. If so, you should include information on that as well.
A great way to send out invitations electronically, and to keep track of it all, is through evite.com. We highly recommend it (but be aware that Internet access may be spotty leading up to the End of Time event itself).
Step 4: Setup for the Big Day
On December 20th you'd better start getting things in shape for the party. If you are hosting the party at your home, make sure to clean the house (one last time), and put away anything that might get in the way. You should also decorate appropriately. We recommend a colorful, festive decor accented by images of doom and wanton destruction: full-color posters of mushroom clouds, portraits of the Four Horsemen, plastic skull decoration, confetti and streamers, and a great big banner in broad, colorful letters that reads: "Doomsday Party!", "End of Days Bash!", "Apocalypse 2012 Celebration!", or something like that. You could also throw in some Mayan motifs as well (after all, they made the prediction), such as a picture of the Mayan calender wheel, Mayan temples, feathered serpents, or posters of images from the Popol Vuh. Also consider buying some clearance-sale Halloween items such as skull goblets, creepy candle holders, green lights, dark lights, and so forth.
Having the right music and/or movies to play is also extremely important. We recommend that, at minimum, your party tracks include R.E.M.'s "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)", Europe's "The Final Countdown", and Bad Religion's "Los Angeles Is Burning". If you suspect Great Cthulhu might rise to join in on the fun, you should also check out the "Very Scary Solstice" album as well. Please see our selection of music and media for the apocalypse for more ideas.
On the practical side of things, make sure there is enough seating for everyone, sufficient plates, napkins, glasses, and utensils, as well as soap and hand towels in the bathroom. You will want everything to be fun and run smoothly for everyone, since this is going to be the last party they'll ever attend.
Step 5: Food and Drinks
If you are preparing the food, appetizers, hors d'oeuvres, drinks, and desserts along with a few friends, be sure to get it all prepared ahead of time. Things that can be frozen should be prepared a week or more in advance, but some items will need to be prepared the day before or even the day of the party. Remember, if power is lost during the Apocalypse such conveniences as ovens and microwaves will not function unless you have a back-up generator. Of course, you could always have something catered in, but do not count on catering services still operating during the Final Days. If you're ordering in pizza, keep in mind the delivery boy might get eaten by zombies.
Grilling outdoors is also a great idea, though it might not be feasible in northern climes. However, if the atmosphere should be burning from the super-volcanic eruptions, massive meteor impacts, or nuclear holocaust you may find it warm enough outside for a nice BBQ gathering. Be prepared to wear breathings masks in order to keep the radioactive ash from turning your lungs into cement.
It goes without saying that you must have plenty of drinks to go around, and by that we don't mean Sprite (except for mixed drinks, of course). We're talking hard liquor here -- and lots of it. It's the end of the world as we know it, folks. Drink up!
Step 6: The Day of the Party
Don't do anything last minute. You need to be well prepared for the party before your guests arrive. As they do, greet each one at the door and show them inside. Have a good apocalyptic movie going, and be sure to bring out the first few platters of hors d'oeuvres and some drinks.
As more guests arrive, the party should really get going. Rev up the music, turn on Fox News (this is what they've been waiting for, after all), and have a blast! If you have party games planned, wait until later in the evening when everyone's pretty plastered.
Then, at some point, everyone dies. We don't know if its going to be nuclear bombs, a meteor impact, a genetically engineered biogenic plague, Great Cthulhu and his minions, the wrath of God Almighty, the Handkerchief of the Great Green Arkleseizure, or the return of Qutzl... Quwetz... Quetzal... oh, never mind. But whatever it is, we know it's coming. After all, the Mayans said it would happen, and since they were so ancient and had neat feathered hats they surely must have known what they were talking about. So, cheers!
Step 7: Clean Up
Clean up? What clean up? It's December 21st, 2012 and the world's ending. No one's going to be left to clean up!
Step 8: Ummm...
If December 22nd, 2012 does roll around... well... ummm...
...Oops. I guess you will be cleaning up then, huh?